Clowns: A National Crisis

There is an epidemic spreading across our nation….and no I’m not talking about Zika.

I’m talking about clowns.


Lately people have been claiming to see clowns all over the United States. Yes some of these so-called clowns have been real….but are all the sightings real?

In the day and age of camera phones why is it that no one can seem to get a picture of these fast-moving clowns that vanish suddenly?

We may never know…but it reminds me of a simpler time…you know when they found that Leprechaun in a tree in Mobile, Alabama.

A simpler time INDEED! Let’s now divulge into this epidemic!


Let’s face it…Clowns are creepy as fuck…they just are


But were they really that scary? Or did they become scary after this mother fucker right here ruined everything about the possibility of a clown at a child’s birthday in the early 90’s? Or to anyone who managed to actually read the book?


Let’s face it….half of the ‘sightings’ aren’t real!


I literally get a picture of everything when it’s happening! How is it people can’t seem to get a photo of these clowns?


I’m just sitting here like half of the people calling are on some kind of drug driving past McDonalds…looking at Ronald like this mother fucking clown out here is looking for children!


When one crazy person reports this shit…and it grows you’re basically inviting people to fuck with you and dress up as a clown for shits and giggles.


Then you got the full-blown crazies out there talking about shooting people….like I legit can’t with people actually discussing shooting people on facebook….why are we calling police about clowns and not these free wheeling, gun-toting people????


Like you could literally be calling about a real clown, like an actual person who works as a clown. All this nonsense is hurting their incomes based on clownery…


Also maybe do a little research…someone literally shared an article about this clown ‘threat’ and how they’re murdering people…the article wasn’t even from a real news source….it was a .net for Christs sake


I mean…let’s face it…you have a better chance of running into the Jackelope than you do a killer clown…


I mean really…at this point the clowns are in more danger than any of you… #clownslivesmatter


Moral of the story here kids….stop bothering police with dumb shit


Stop trying to convince people something that’s not real is real


You’re literally scaring children for no reason…


So…let’s all try to take Luann De Lesseps advice while in Turks and Caicos


Happy Octoberween!

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