I’ve been watching Award shows since I was little…
and since I was little they’ve managed to piss me off!
So why not try and help fix the problem?
Here are my 10 ways to fix awards shows!
1. If You Have A Bad Host The Show Is Over Before It Began
This goes without saying…but I’m saying it! If you don’t get a good host why bother?
Did you know that Donald Duck once hosted the Academy Awards? It was before most of our lifetimes and I’m sure it was horrible!
Or how about that time James Franco hosted the Academy Awards and left poor Anne Hathaway to drown with the worst cohost ever. If you were able to block that memory out good for you!
A good host needs to be well-rounded. They need to be able to be funny and creative but know when it’s time to be serious.
For every Tina and Amy
You have a Seacrest…don’t let Seacrest happen again…it’s awful. He high fives blind people!
2. They’re Predictable
Lately you can almost predict who will be nominated because it’s the same people every year, in Television that is. Unless you’re Meryl Streep…if she has a movie come out, she’ll probably be nominated for it. She’s just that good!
The problem with always nominating the same people in Television is that there are other people who are probably doing better work out there in TV Land but can’t break in to be nominated. We all have our favorites but sometimes your old favorites should be overthrown by the new favorites.
I’m looking at you Edie Falco!
3. They’re Rigged
Believe it or not its true!
Some awards shows even tell people in advance that they’ve won to make sure they show up to claim their prize…looking at your Teen Choice Awards!
But when you cross that line of telling people in advance of their victory and openly rigging it to make sure you get bigger names at your show you’ve got a serious problem!
This year at the Emmy’s every British person who won wasn’t even there. Why? Who knows! But that’s the risk you take when you don’t tell people they’re going to win in advance. If you’re going to do that you might as well tell the other nominees they lost so they don’t waste their time.
4. Your Fav Will Almost Never Win
WHERE IS AMY POEHLER’S EMMY?!?
I’ll admit I’m completely biased but seriously you can’t tell me that her portrayal of Leslie Knope isn’t magnificent. You just can’t!
Some shows have a habit of doing a ‘career award’ where they give someone an award based on their body of work and not based on the movie or show itself.
Example: Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side. Don’t get me wrong she was really good but was she better than the other nominees? Did you see Precious? Sandra was robbed from a nomination when she was in Crash and this was like an apology from the Academy. I’m not saying she isn’t an Oscar worthy actress, I saw Gravity she’s definitely worthy, but what I’m saying is that sometimes life isn’t fair.
5. There Are Too Many!
I’m looking at you Country Music! How many fucking award shows do you need? Here is a list:
Academy Of Country Music Awards, American Country Awards, American Music Awards, ASCAP Country Music Awards, Country Music Association Awards, Country Music Awards of Australia, CMC Australian Music Awards, CMT Awards, European Country Music Association Awards, French Country Music Association Awards, Inspirational Country Music Awards, Nashville Songwriter’s Association International Awards.
That’s not including any of the award shows that cover all the categories. I’m not sure what the deal is here country music but y’all need a reality check. Maybe at one point you felt underrepresented by the music community? But at this point you’re just overwhelming the audience. I don’t even watch country music awards shows and I’m still overwhelmed by your commercials!
6. Winners Are Almost Never Prepared
You find out you’re nominated weeks before the ceremony and you still don’t have your shit together on the podium?
I haven’t even been nominated yet and I already know what I’m going to say when I win an award…lock it up celebs!
Every time you come unprepared you open yourself up to not thank someone important to you being in the spot you’re in. There is no coming back from that mistake!
7. Too Much Fashion Talk
At some point our culture became less concerned about the body of work a nominee is nominated for and more about what they decided to wear to the ceremony.
If Meryl Streep wants to show up wearing a curtain…she can wear a fucking curtain!
Helena Bonham Carter is an amazing actress who gives zero fucks about red carpets and I respect her for that.
8. Not Enough Diversity In Awards
Am I the only one who has noticed this? I’ve held onto this idea for years because Sarah Michelle Gellar should have won all of the awards for Buffy. She got one Golden Globe Nomination for her role. I can’t help but wonder if the categories were more diverse would more victories have occurred.
I’m a firm believer that great acting happens on shows with a lot of Action or Sci Fi/Fantasy elements. Why not reward that?
Drama and Comedy is so basic. Shows like Shameless struggle because they’re not quite a drama and not quite a comedy.
If you opened up the restraints it would make the shows more interesting that’s for sure. So let’s open up and make it be the following: Drama, Comedy, Dramedy, Sci fi/Fantasy and Action.
Why isn’t there an award for vocal performance?
The only example I need!
9. Nominating People Based On Their Celebrity Status
I think Melissa McCarthy is great. I really believe she is funny. But Mike & Molly is fucking terrible…and nominating her every year to make sure she is present at the award show is a waste of everyone’s time.
This is like high school where the popular person gets nominated for Best Actor or Actress but we all know they were awful and shouldn’t be there. But if you don’t say anything nothing will change.
Did any of you see The Tourist? Remember how Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp were nominated for that movie at the Golden Globes just to make sure they attended? Calling Bullshit on that Globes!
I’m saying something so hopefully it will change.
10. America Can’t Be Trusted To Vote
Every time you open up to public voting for an award show you’re basically making sure the best doesn’t win. I’m looking at you MTV Movie Awards!
It took five movies and the voting public to ruin the credibility of this award show and let’s face it they didn’t have much credibility to begin with.
The five movies were: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2
Argue with me all you want but everything about those movies were terrible and embarrassing.
At this point I need to be hired in as a consultant to Award shows and help fix the problem. Call Me!
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