October is legit as fuck

I mean can we just discuss how awesome October is?

So since we all love it so much I thought why not discuss why we love it! I know you’re like totally excited about this so let’s do this thing!

First let’s talk about CANDY!!!!!! It’s readily available basically everywhere because it’s against the law or something to not have candy lying around.  I in fact just ate a Reese’s so suck it!

The one sure-fire way to get candy was to go Trick R’ Treating! Being that Halloween takes place on October 31st the chances are that the weather won’t be amazing on Halloween. We’re talking extreme cold, rain, snow? Shit happens! So most houses know that they need to give you the goods if you’ve traversed up and down the street in the cold, rainy, possibly snowy, chances of a tornado weather (seriously shit happens!)

DO! Give out full-sized candy bars. It’s a sure-fire way of making you the cool house on the block!

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DON’T! These peanut butter things are just the worst! (my grandpa loves them)

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DO! Give me a handful of Candy instead of just one piece! Thank you kind sir or ma’am!

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DON’T! Give me a fucking popcorn ball! I don’t want to eat some hard ass popcorn shit you had your hands in!

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DO! Coordinate with the neighbors about what you’ll be handing out…Listen it’s cool to get a soda but it’s not cool to get seven sodas in the same night. You’re weighing my back down get it together!

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Granted one of the obvious necessities of Trick R’ Treating which would be a COSTUME! Picking a costume is actually very difficult. When you’re a kid you are completely stressed because you know what you want to dress up as and sometimes your parents just ruin it! How hard is it to buy a kid the exact costume they want…seriously parents it’s not about you!

Honestly costumes boil down to six categories:

GOOD! Good costumes are simple. They’re cute and people will compliment them. They don’t take a crazy amount of time to put together. Like this guy…

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BAD! Bad costumes don’t always make sense. You may have to ask the person what they are and then still not get it. Also sometimes they just miss the mark because the person wearing it didn’t give it enough detail. Or they’re just generally insulting. For example this guy…

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UGLY! Basically they’re just really hard to look at. I’m talking about the old school ones your parents would buy with the plastic masks and plastic rompers…just a mess.

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But seriously…patches there is scary as fuck!

SLUTTY! Needs no explanation! But I will give you a male and female example.

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PHENOMENAL! A costume that literally is missing nothing! It’s perfect…you just stare at it in complete awe!

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TRAGIC! Should of stayed home!

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Nailed it!

While we are talking about Halloween amazingness who remembers Room parties in elementary school?

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They were so cool! You got to sit around all day and not learn while wearing a Halloween costume, eating candy and watching cool movies with the Halloween theme. Everyone loved room party day!

A bonus was that at my grade school we did a parade in the afternoon. The whole school walked our own parade route and people would actually show up to watch this parade. It was pretty stellarkids_halloween!

Just walking the streets like a bunch of bad asses!

I think now would be the appropriate time to discuss the quality of Halloween programming!

Such as who isn’t obsessed with these ladies?

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The Sanderson sisters just trump everything!

I should also mention like the best Scooby Doo movie out there!

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It’s pretty amazing! Don’t try to act like you haven’t seen or don’t like it because it’s impossible!

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Now this movie is pretty great. Everyone can agree that it’s much loved…but let me just throw this out there

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Casper’s kind of a creep…I mean he just hangs around all night watching Kat sleep…that’s not cool Casper! But with the uncles he has it’s not surprising he didn’t know any better!

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Admit it you wanted to live here! I mean it’s Halloween everyday in Halloweentown!

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Once this happened in The Witches you immediately distrusted women because they could all look like this underneath.

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You watched The Craft and you tried to do this…but you just didn’t have the right magic.

Although scary movies these days tend to be more about ghosts and things of that nature. Once October comes most of us prefer to marathon watch the best serial killers out there.

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Aren’t they just adorable? They haunt dreams and make you fear walking from your car to your house! God bless them for their hard work.

But when these guys weren’t terrorizing you, you could always rely on friends to torment you.

Are you familiar with a bitch named Bloody Mary? Everyone has a different story to tell when it comes to this nasty bitch and they’re all just as equally terrifying. But when your grade school was next to a cemetery and there was a head stone with the name Mary on it, it doesn’t matter what you say because that shit frightening!

Which do you reckon is scarier?

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or?

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I reckon Are you afraid of the dark was scarier as a TV show where as Goosebumps books were scary but the TV show didn’t do anything for me.

You know what one of the best parts of October is?

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Latte, beer, muffins, bread, ice cream, doughnuts, candles, marshmallows, vodka. I mean it’s so delicious I don’t know why we don’t keep this stuff around year round! Did I mention pie? Cause I definitely should mention I love pumpkin pie.

October means you have the free range to scare the shit out of people! That’s one of my favorite things…because I hate being scared so I have to do to others what I don’t want to happen to me…make sense?

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It’s really all about the moment once the scare is complete when you just start laughing uncontrollably it’s so much fun! But seriously I don’t like to get scared and I hit!

In October you get to go to cool places like pumpkin patches with your friends! I mean coolsville!

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You go with the intention of getting a pumpkin and to carve a masterpiece like this:

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But instead you get this:

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I mean…they tried?

So just remember that once October ends…it’s just a year away! So just relax and enjoy the spontaneity of fall weather. Peace be with you!

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