Traveling Shit Show and the Missing Hashbrown

A month ago it was decided that the shit show would go on the road on September the 13th. Friday the 13th to be precise.

I mean why not? It’s the perfect day to be awesome in a town where you don’t have to worry about other’s opinions.

Many were invited but only eight made the decision to go – Nikki, Danny, Tiffany, Laura, Beth, DJ, Korey and myself. With Clark of course waiting(impatiently) in Peoria for our arrival.

The week leading up to the trip everyone was filled with anticipation and of course stressing me out on what time we were leaving, where we were meeting…I mean shoot so many questions you’d of thunk that I planned this trip….

So it was decided that we would meet Friday around 5 at Beth’s. Of course some people didn’t get off until five which is fine had they packed their shit in advance…I’m looking at you Donna Jo! So Dj got there at 6:30 and we hit the road around 7 after a pit stop at a gas station.

I wasn’t allowed to drive my car on the way there so Danny drove myself and Nikki. Laura and Tiff rode together, while Dj drove Beth and Korey.

At this point I’m sure you’re all DYING to know what Illinois smelled like well here is a list!

  • My Mangina
  • Tiffany’s Ratchet ass vagina
  • Beefy unwashed vagina
  • Old people house
  • Big ole bag of bounce that ass
  • Nursing home

Once we got done playing ‘What’s That Smell!’ It was send pics of your car ride time!

1370297_10201975266729435_1964523815_n

DJ’s hand would give the impression he was not feeling these slow drivers…Korey is on Grindr

1371737_10152394859306992_1717962802_n

Selfie while driving!

1370485_10100255033523051_238390425_n

Boob!

1241960_10152394865191992_674622875_n

Just hitting that pumpkin beer

1289954_10201959078604742_443990248_n

I mean she ain’t really drinking that in the car without a chaser! Well I take that back she might be Beth is a tough cookie!

20130919-233841.jpg

I sent this really happy pic of Danny driving (He actually didn’t like driving and not being able to check his phone from all of us chatting with each other)

20130919-234206.jpg

To then receive a not so happy pic of Korey

20130919-234156.jpg

A whole car of happy people

20130919-233901.jpg

We responded just as happily!

20130919-233830.jpg

Just a quick shot of Nikki picking her nose (aka fixing her nose ring)

About the time we were right by Springfield it was like everyone’s bladders synced because bitches started going bat shit crazy about needing to go potty!

So we made a McStop! Everyone pottied, got food and did shots in the parking lot in a record probably 10-15. I almost fell in the parking lot and died without a sip in me but it’s fine! My car made a quick stop over at the gas station across the street so I could get a strawberita to get a good buzz going. Shocking who do we run into? none other than the same gas station attendant that eyeballed Laura during our last visit.

20130919-233915.jpg

I took a pic of her from the car because she was not friendly and a close up shot would have broken my camera!

We continued on our journey which actually didn’t take that long but by the time we were like five minutes from East Peoria we got stuck in random 9pm traffic. Which of course everyone hated.

So we get to the hotel and go to check in to find out our reservation was no longer with that hotel but with another across town. The girl working said we got bumped but they should have let us know, which of course they didn’t. I asked if they had any openings for us and she said she could try. She checked and they weren’t going to give us the discount so it was back to the cars and onto the hotel we got moved too.

Checking in there was simple and it was actually nicer than the other so I’m not mad about it. We started pregaming and getting ready for the night ahead

1370507_10100255033518061_1258245219_n

Just a fancy little picture for our room!

1208544_10200625594139270_726863370_n

One of like 700 pictures Clark made me take

20130919-234523.jpg

So Laura was going to rock this outfit and when she went to show DJ he said no not happening…I was pretty upset because this would have killed!

Once everyone was ready to go and after my shots of American Honey we were on the road to Club Diesel!

20130919-233928.jpg

On the elevator ride we made sure to write the room number and the name of the hotel on Laura’s arm in case she disappeared it was smart thinking!

It was decided that upon arrival that we would be a bachelorette party so we could get in free. It worked, sort of! The girls were free and boys paid a dollar. Can’t be mad about that!

20130919-234215.jpg

Before we went in we got a pic of the lady behind us she was twerking by herself in that big ole coat!

1241810_10100255033503091_1457095931_n

Just a group shot! I kept staring at it wondering where is Laura and then I remembered she took the first one!

1369127_10201975266569431_1704519429_n

These hoes couldn’t wait to get on the pole!

960955_10201975264689384_1969588119_n

A non flash group shot…seriously who was in charge of this pic?

1371645_10200625594059268_1576641118_n

Drunk ass turned the flash on! I think this was that ratchet girl…

20130919-234243.jpg

Then we got a group shot off the pole once again that fucking flash is not on!

20130919-234234.jpg

However this is the result with it on…so obviously we looked cooler with it off!

20130919-234113.jpg

We had to switch sides because Clark needed to model that Barbie hand

1370393_10201975266689434_434938133_n

Then quickly jumped in and photobombed this picture!

1278397_10200625057925865_558900186_n

The window’s riding the crimson wave

1373032_10201975264569381_2140830801_n

Just showing some cleav! NBD!

1371385_10200625057845863_329995093_n

Well as you can tell…photobombs were cropped out

1370234_10151732629782701_1704617454_n

Girls love pussy!

1368774_10200625057885864_2058083693_n

That damn Barbie hand again

1291267_10151732629247701_1405706910_n

Not sure why Tiffany’s legs are so far apart…

20130919-234314.jpg

Mega duck lips!

20130919-234255.jpg

Oh Beth! ❤

1241467_10151732629262701_1689267265_n 1232745_10151732629237701_799074008_n

Can we talk about Nikki’s broken neck?

20130919-234026.jpg

Bridesmaids vs The Hangover…basically the greatest picture ever!

20130919-233941.jpg

Sometimes you just have to hug a pole! A larger wood pole!

20130919-234346.jpg

We are going to have to start a screening process before letting people take pics of us!

20130919-234340.jpg

Just a group shot before moving bars!

20130919-234355.jpg

Then a what the hell one because the guy just snapped a third…you can tell who was ready for this…thats why they at the front of the class!

20130919-233954.jpg

Had to make sure the messages were still on Laura’s arm because it was getting late

20130919-234007.jpg

Clark made me take a second pic because she wanted to be in it…doing whatever she’s doing…being inquisitive?

So we decided to check out the bar next door…once again bachelorette party! Girls in free, boys $5 bucks…better than $10

I went up to the patio upstairs at Berlin and made several librarian friends. I went to use one of the bathrooms and they told me it was VIP only…I mean clearly they don’t know I’m VIP…shame so I used the lesser bathroom.

1208734_10200625594019267_1624378639_n

Clark captured this really serious moment on the way back from talking to our librarian friends

20130919-234529.jpg

Notice it’s late and Laura is still present!

20130919-234436.jpg

Just giving some kisses…some weird kisses

20130919-234413.jpg

Apparently we all need to see her Daisy Dukes!

20130919-234421.jpg

Nikki’s broken neck is spreading…that guy in the background aint feeling it!

1232655_10100255033508081_1326114908_n

An important sign considering Danny crushed his nuts on the stripper pole and gave himself a nice bruise on his arm.

So this bar has this giant disco ball. Like the largest ever or something. Anyways I was drunk and I was really afraid Final Destination 6 was about to take place! It was pretty serious!

We left the bar around 2 to go back to Diesel. Some people went to this little shack to get some street meat while I went straight to the bar.

20130919-234036.jpg

I didn’t know this guy I kept calling him Alpaca…and I made him buy me a shot! It was bad…real bad

20130919-234045.jpg

Nikki wanted a pic with him as well!

I was outside talking to people making some friends when Danny comes up to me and says that everyone left!

‘Everyone?’ – Me

‘Yes everyone!’ – Danny

‘So everybody left?’ – Me

‘Yes they all left!’ – Danny

‘They all left together?’ -Me

‘YES!’ – Danny

I was too drunk to comprehend that this occurred.

1241741_10201975264529380_103868904_n

Bitches really all left together and squeezed into one car! Without even saying bye! Rude!

1368708_10200625075126295_364343894_n 1208949_10200625057805862_1424483197_n 862737_10200625593979266_807158133_n

So I danced in the cage and I don’t really know how Clark managed to get decent pictures because I was falling all over the place. Sorry not sorry!

20130919-234134.jpg

I ran into a girl that looks like Emily Rose Mollet! I was excited about it she looks kind of uncomfortable.

When the bar closed we left and ran into Clark and I’s friend Rachel on the street corner. The guy she was with was a little moody he needed to lock it up!

On our drive back they decided they wanted Steak n Shake…which of course was closed! So we drove to McDonald’s which was open. We ordered mind you there were three of us…Clark ordered two hash browns…I asked for one and Danny asked for another. We pull up to the window and they’re like cash only like that’s information you need to release before ordering not when you get to the window!

1371646_10200625074966291_1648692619_n

This was us on the way back to the hotel finally…Danny is clearly spent!

We ate in the lobby and literally going through the contents Clark freaks out because her hash brown was missing…We kept explaining to her that she never ordered it and she was not having it!

Clark – Danny and I both can confirm you never ordered yourself a hash brown!

We went upstairs to sleep and it was filled with two great moments!

20130919-234055.jpg

1. My drunk ass took this pic because when I looked over at Nikki she was super frowning in her sleep. Like it was a gigantic frown! I announced it to loudly and she rolled over as I took it! Rude!

2. When I was crawling into bed I woke Laura up to tell her that I was stealing her cuddle pillow. She woke up and I quote ‘All I taste is chili, cheese & onions… I’m gonna throw up!’

We all lost it, it was so funny!

When I woke up in the morning Nikki and Laura were gone. They got up at 7 and left…I was dead at 7 am! We didn’t even get up until like literally almost 11.

20130919-234537.jpg

I was really not prepared to greet the day in any way shape or form!

1372867_10200625057685859_1040227076_n

Just a little message from the hotel elevator it wants us to visit again!

In the morning Clark, Danny and I went to Avanti’s for lunch because I fucking love the Gondola so much. It was delicious but I was too hungover to eat all my food. When we were done Danny and I hit the road. I was driving because someone couldn’t!

20130919-234545.jpg

Just a shot of me driving…my mouth was so dry lol probably should have closed it!

20130919-234516.jpg

Passed White City…DJ and Korey weren’t fans!

We got word that there was traffic…bad traffic

20130919-234500.jpg 20130919-234454.jpg

The smokers in that car got creative since they couldn’t smoke in DJ’s car!

Pretty much the only awful thing about the traffic was that everyone had to poop…I for one had to go real bad! But I made it to STL and we all pooped Happily Ever After…

Until next time Peoria!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s