Five Day Bender: My Birthday

Nothing says happy birthday like an 8 am wake up call.

Seriously though my brother woke me up at 8 am to follow him to the service shop so he could get his car worked on…rude sir!

Normally I would go home and go directly to bed but the episode of Full House where Kimmy’s almost gets married was on…so I watched it. Then went back to bed.

Woke up and began the process of packing for my five-day staycation at Brandi/Danny/Kayla’s. Mind you I’m still the worst packer ever! It take nine years and I still forget shit.

Made myself lunch only to get a call from my brother asking if I wanted lunch…like where were you five minutes ago? Rude sir number two!

I told him he could get me a milkshake…showed up with no milkshake….Rude sir number three!

Got all cleaned up for my birthday and headed over to the city for the party to begin.

I was going to drop my stuff off at Danny’s but somebody was still napping! So it was off to Alex’s to wait for Clark’s arrival! Which she did in style!


Rolling up with a whole sampler platter cheesecake and a jug of sweet tea.

After everyone got ready it was off to Mosaic for birthday dinner. I fucking love their food.

Was so happy that everyone who made it made it out to dinner. It’s always nice to blend friends and them actually get a long.

Shout out to Brandi, Kayla and Danny for their gifts. Much love and appreciation!

Probably should have taken some pics of everyone at dinner…


it’s ok though…Clark got this gem.

Once again thank you for everyone who made it out – Brandi, Kayla, Nikki, Laura, Danny, Alex, Casey, Alan, Clark, Melissa and Lauren, Jenny, Katie, Spenser, Lauren, Katie and Connie! oh and Kyle can’t forget Kyle.

After everyone was done eating it was off to Erney’s for the roast of me but first…




This was my special seat for my roast….clearly somehow already wasted…must have been the wine…maybe the champagne…maybe the shot…possibly the rumpies…or the vodka cran’s


I got the extra special princess gift from Shelly…it was pretty exciting! But my excitement was outdone by Lauren Rapp’s excitement for all the toys.


Wasted…but which one….


I didn’t know my birthday was the lesbian prom….


Clark’s lower half is on lockdown from Danny!


This bitch! Showed up looking amazing and schooled errrrrrbody


The best thing about my friends are the photo bombs! We is amazing!


Going over some last-minute roast jokes.


I mean I’m intrigued by whatever convo is happening in the background.




Wait let me take a picture of you…


Wasn’t that hilarious?


Workin dem natural tans.


Ummmmmmmmm I feel like the screen was facing them….just saying!


Ebony and Ivory!


This picture is extra…but in a good way!


These bitches….not really sure what either is looking at…

As far as I’m concerned the roast was awesome! I’m not sure what all anyone could actually hear jokes wise but I heard them all and they were great jokes, stories etc.

So major props to those who got up and spoke – Laura, Spenser, Clark, Lauren, Paul, Ashley, Landon, Alex and Connie. If I forgot anyone my apologies…was wasted!

After the roast I went outside to have a nice well deserved smoke. All of a sudden half the people I was with were gone! Abandoned much!

So I grabbed the rest of my peeps and headed down to Rehab to meet up with everyone else.

I remember entering Rehab…everything else is kind of a blur….


Tiffany found a parking cone….I don’t know if they’re supposed to go inside


It pretty much excited everyone…


This bitch….showing her panties to everyone. You’re bound to attract the wrong kind of attention!


Whoop there it is!


Let me tell you a story about this…So I see drunk ass Tammy sitting outside by herself drunk as fuck! So I stop by to say hi to hear this story about how she broke her arm. Bitch literally has a wet paper towel on her arm and acts like she can’t walk because her arm is broken. So I helped her inside and Tiffany took this picture…I promptly went to the bathroom and washed my mouth out.


She’s loving life after capturing that moment.


Nikki and aMANda


Just some pleasant ass biting…NBD!


Clearly not wasted at all!


Def not wasted here either!

So here is the deal! I can confirm that I had over 20 shots in the five-hour period.

I can confirm 8 of those were rumpies.

I can confirm that Alex kissed me on the lips and it induced vomiting.

I can also confirm that I puked all over Rehab’s bathroom.

When it was time to go it was time to go! So Connie drove Danny, Clark and I back to Danny’s. On the way we stopped at my car to get Clark and I’s stuff at which point some guy in a windowless van asked her if she needed help…no sir!

Connie asked if anyone wanted food. My drunk ass told her no! No one wanted food!…they got food.


Once we got to the house I took my bag up to the third floor…Clark helped because people were sleeping and I was loud.

Somehow I managed to descend the stairs once more to tell Danny not to penetrate Clark. Then climbed once more and passed the fuck out…

To be Continued!

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