Is It Just Me?: Texting and Driving!

Have you seen those commercials where families are showing you messages that are the last texts that were sent from someone’s phone before dying in a car accident?

Is it bad that I watch them and wonder to myself…man I hope the last text I send is something completely amazing!!!!

Don’t get me wrong I totally feel for these people since they lost a loved one and all but let’s face it…I know I’m not alone in this thought.

So I asked friends what would they like to have as their final text?


Ellie would like her final text to be ‘Suck it Bitch’….I’m not sure what it is she would like one to suck or if she just wants to go down seeming like a hardass. Either way ‘Suck it bitch’ is a wonderfully deep final text. Kudos Ellie.


While it may seem lame or like the beginning of the third National Treasure movie starring Nicholas Cage. Imagine that someone did bury some treasure and tragically died before they got a chance to tell you where it is. I’m pissed just thinking about it!


Josh would prefer to die while en route to commit some sort of sex act. I would guess he’ll be taking it deep since he is inquiring about lubrication. I hope whomever he was going to meet was able to find himself a new craigslist connection. I also hope he has lube!


On my way! Eating now! See you soon. Well there you have it folks. This person (hypothetical me) died from either this text, the McChicken in their other hand or from excitement of seeing their friend. So here is what I think went down. While eating this McChicken a gloob of mayo falls onto their lap. As they go to wipe it up their phone goes off and while they switch to grab the phone instead they turn the wheel and drive off a cliff. Simply tragic!


A text full of mystery! Who was following them? Was anyone following them? Were they mental? Why try to lose someone? You’re not an action movie star you think you’re going to be able to ditch someone who is following you? I don’t think so! That’s why you’re dead!


This is sexy! Enough said.


Christopher – ‘I’m almost to your place. Please remember what how I asked you to dress…’ How did you ask them to dress? Was it slutty? Was it wrapped up in a parka? We may never know but lets hope the car accident was close so the person came out in whatever ball gag leather outfit you had planned for them!

Josh – ‘Crap! They caught up to me!’ Who is they? How did you get ahead of them? What is it that they want? We may never know!


Sean – ‘Why are all these people driving the wrong way?!!’ Bitch be going to wrong way down the highway and frankly I’m not shocked!

Mark – ‘Please stop texting me while I’m dri’ oh shit…we killed Mark!

Laura – ‘shit I hope my best friend knows where I keep my toys so my mother doesn’t think I’m a whore’ I appreciate the foresight…no I don’t know where you hide them but that’s def something you want in a sealed envelope to be opened after your will reading before your belongings are given away.

So seeing as how I didn’t want to feel like  a complete asshole I visited the website to read up on some info. They have a convenient ‘Statistics’ tab so of course I click on it to learn some info. They only have one actual statistic…


Individuals who drive while sending or reading text messages are 23 percent more likely to be involved in a car crash than other drivers. A crash typically happens within an average of three seconds after a driver is distracted

That’s it! I mean damn…I could read more facts on Zac Efron’s wikipedia page! If you want to scare me into stopping let’s get some hard facts up on this site!

Then they have a ‘Facts’ section…wouldn’t be easier to include this with statistics and call it a day?

Facts About Texting & Driving

  • The United States Department of Transportation notes that cell phones are involved in 1.6 million auto crashes each year that cause a half million injuries and take 6,000 lives.
  • According to FocusDriven®, up to 80 percent of all crashes involve some form of driver distraction.
  • During any point of the day, 11 percent of drivers are talking on their cell phones, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.
  • A study from the University of Utah indicated that the reaction time of a teen driver using a cell phone is the same as that of a 70-year-old driver who is not using a cell phone.
  • According to the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute, texting while driving is six times more likely to cause an auto crash than driving when intoxicated.
  • The Virginia Tech Transportation Institute installed cameras on dashboards inside truck cabs. From the video footage, on average it took five seconds with their eyes off the road when driver’s experienced distractions. The distance covered in five seconds of driving at 55 mph is equivalent to the length of a football field.

Fact number 2….yea people are distracted while driving…by everything! Music, nature, cell phone, the naked guy on the overpass….It’s like stating the obvious and saying the ocean is made of water!

Fact number 4…a distracted teenager is as big as a problem as an elderly person…why not eliminate the problem and not let either drive?

So remember the next time you’re texting and driving you are less than a 25% risk! Also remember to go out with a bang and have an epic final text message!

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