Even as I sit here and begin to write this I must say I’m so tired!
My entire body is in pain. I’m seriously not drinking this week because the thought of it makes me want to vomit, which you’ll soon find out actually happened.
Lets take a journey back and remember this shitastic weekend. For starters Thursday I got to go to dinner with Alex and Kayla. We went to this BBQ place called Pappy’s. It was really good but I didn’t finish my food so Kayla ate my fries. Everytime one of the workers walked by us they would try to take it and bitch almost pulled a Chris Farley in Gap Girls it was fantastic.
Alex let me pick out his outfit for work. But I had to shave his shoulders so I probably won’t be doing that again
Following our fooding I’m sure you can guess what followed…I got drunk.
I made him take this to try to bring in a big crowd. Then I forgot to post it to Facebook…whoops!
It was a fun Thursday though because Tiffany and Jeff randomly stopped by and I was entertained as fuck!
Tiffurny just loves to be Eiffel Towered!
Took one with the flash on…was promptly told to turn it off.
That way the photo would be artsy.
It’s actually completely normal to hump a giant inflatable Absolut bottle.
This is actually a bit dark and blurry but if you had been standing there when this bitch had this shit blowing on her self and the hair all going it was actually quite hilarious! My phone promptly died at this point with 40% of life.
I did have to leave earlier than planned though because for some reason my back started hurting like a mother fucker. I apparently described it as heartburn but ya know in my back. So I went back to Alex’s and crashed but sent a very nice text that said I would not be waiting up to hang out because I was dying. See folks I can be very nice.
Friday woke up super excited because it was Jurassic Park day!
I mean I don’t care who you are or what your background is but there is no way that you could hate that movie it’s amazing! We saw it at Ronnie’s with Dj and Paul in their 3D IMAX and it was legit as fuck. I will say though that I hated that it was like a fucking school lesson learning about how great IMAX is. I mean once is fine but like six reminders is about much and don’t even get me started on the harassment about collecting the glasses back from you.
After the movie we ran to the Goodwill in soco for our clothes for the white trash bash. Dj’s busted ass found some snowflake fucking sweater a size to small and asked if it was white trash. I informed him it made him look slightly challenged and it was not that kind of party so he found a flannel. Let me also add that I have NEVER in my life seen so many size 50 pants in my entire life. Like I don’t know if one person donated all of them or what but there was an uncomfortable amount. I literally could have got two legs in one pant leg and I’m not tiny!
After goodwilling we went to TGIF Fridays…that’s all. After dinner I took an hour-long siesta, which is like a Spanish nap, needed to get my head on right to prepare for an evening out.
These bitches tried to be real serious and of course Laura and I had to jump in…I mean shocked? Not really, ok!
We found Alan on the wall at Novak’s…looking cute Alan!!!!
I never have to intention to get completely wasted but it just seems to keep happening! There were a few shots from Shelly, for those of you who are avid readers a shot from Shelly is a drink without ice. Managed to make it down the street in time for Alex’s birthday(barely).
This is the picture Nikki wanted to have.
This is how we got there! It’s fine! But I must ask why Danny is rubbing that cooch?
Sorry DJ I don’t even remember taking pics with you! But there are two so it happened!
They said Grab…so she grabbed them…all.
It wouldn’t be a normal Friday if I didn’t drop it down low…
This picture is funny because we are actually having a fight. So now I know what it looks like when Danny and I argue while wasted.
Bitches be acting like they at the YMCA!
Celebrated until Shelly asked me to walk her back to her car, mission accomplished. While I was down the street Nikki decided to be a daredevil and jump onto the storm cellar and completely whipped out
Apparently there was no traction!
Go back to Alex’s apartment to crash and end up having to share my blanket with Casey. Who slept weird, rather than sleep at the same level as my head he like slept with his head around my middle back so I kept feeling like I might crush his life if I rolled over.
The next day I basically just veged and cleaned the apt. Completely forgot to ya know drink water and eat which would prove to be a horrific mistake later in the evening. Once the apartment was party ready I started doing edits to my goodwill attire to really trash it up. At which point everyone else started showing up.
Nikki showed up in this ensemble…she really loved them shorts bless her heart.
Lez B Honest!
It’s a group shot…Notice how awesome my leg is…and long it’s really long…also did Connie not know we were taking a picture
Tiffany literally being white trash with one foot in
I locked and closed the window on Yoshi
Yoshi don’t give a shit
Sweet Brown showed up…I couldn’t decide which Yoshi was better so they’re both included
This was for Laura not showing up to be my partner!
We wrapped our legs around eachother…I don’t remember why it had to be this way.
IDK if this was before or after they got in a fight over the world ‘girl’
After a few rounds of beer pong it was time to take the show on the road. Arriving at Erney’s and having people stare you down because you look like a crazy homeless person is priceless. So my drunk ass is strutting around like a champ saying hello’s when I end up stopping and notice out of the corner of my eye that four gentleman from Project Runway are sitting in this booth. So after a moment of sheer terror and panic I decide to break the ice. I walk over and I said ‘Who sewed this outfit? It’s terrible’
Ice broken! I made them take a picture with me.
Then I was hamming it up and Joshua McKinley said we should take a picture alone. I was like duh! But let’s be boughie.
Then he was like let’s take a normal one for your mom.
I must say I lived for this moment. He was just the nicest person and it was a thrill to get to talk to him!
Then I found some pizza…I ate a slice…Bitch hungry!
I just wanted to play with her dress! It was ruffled.
Yes Alex looks like a hoosier….but whats going on with my face…and damn I cut that leg short.
After leaving the bar it was back to the house party.
Tiffany wasn’t as big of a fan of this Eiffel Tower…I’m sure because she was getting lady wood.
Well…at least it’s absorbent?
He’s just trying to find out if she’s Downey fresh
The Dude got some shell!
This was like a twenty-minute process to get this one pic…just thought everyone should know that.
This also was like a ten minute process.
Raping corners…it’s fine!
I took a nap in Jeff’s crotch…it smelled like Tiffany’s vagina!
Just reping her brand!
Jeff passed out on Alex…needs to get that underwear in order.
The poor Nathan passed out around a bunch of drunk people and got written on and then posed with and never woke up collage! (Look Ben you made it!)
Why not get in the window?
Connie said this should be titled ‘I’m gonna stick it in ya’
I may have done a few too many shot because before I knew it I was in the bathroom making donations to the porcelain god. I did lock myself in there and allegedly they had to use a screwdriver to get into the bathroom. I was laying like a dead person up against the wall. Classic Wesley!