Extra Boughie Cat Patties

Being scheduled to work 12-8:30 on Thursday should have been a good thing. I got to sleep in which is always nice knowing you’ll be out drinking later…however worked sucked dick. It was so stupid annoying. Like how many times do we need to give out keys to the wrong room? Ridiculous.

Anywho once I was off work it was time to get the party started! Changed at Alex and Nikki’s because as you can see my work uniform is gross as fuck!

Headed down to the bar for a night of debauchery! Once I got there Alex acted like I was a douchebag for not noticing he got a haircut and color….we were sitting in the dark. Someone needed to lock it up and the night had only just begun.

I sat patiently awaiting the arrival of my furrriends Cody and Ryan. By patiently I mean I was drinking like a sailor on leave. Was pleasantly surprised by the arrival of one miss Constance Ochs only because I thought she would be would be too dead after her foodie event downtown but she was in high spirits. Meaning the girls were lifted and ready to party! Oh and that Landon mofo showed up and wouldn’t drink…get it together Landon!

Thursdays are actually quite a blur to be honest. It’s like a lot of good conversations and stupid shit but also a lot of booze to help you not remember said conversations. I do remember some nose picking (drunk nose picking is not ok! Lol) Also this kid telling me how they’ve been drinking since 12 and smoking since 13, I was like…’What an accomplishment!’ I always feel prudish because I didn’t drink until I was done with High School.

At like the very last second Casey walks his happy ass into the bar. By happy I mean I think there was a slight grumpy/happy smirk on his face. After a really funny convo with Alex, Ryan, Casey, Mark and Paul we were off to breakfast at Steak n Shake. By breakfast I mean they ate and I had water. Really I must say there is nothing like walking into a restaurant and hearing the fire alarm going off and the employees acting like nothing was happening. Real Classy! Then to stifle the noise they taped a stocking cap onto the alarm box. Classier!

If I had known I would be missing so much excitement I would go out for breakfast more often. We came back to the apartment and I sexily snuck into Nikki’s bed and asked her to cuddle and allegedly kissed her arm. Then I passed the fuck out. Literally dead until Ryan creepily opened the door the next morning in the least subtle way ever! Then just stared at me through the crack, love that creep.

It was like one or two or something and no one looked presentable to go outside. So Ryan got ready first which was like an hour-long process…literally. I hopped in the shower next and came out to find out his ass ran off to the mall. Lame. Then Alex and I were off to pick up DJ to go to Randall’s. For those of you whom are unaware this is an adult candy store.

Literally shopping in Randall’s with Alex is like going to a grocery store with a chef. Bitch has to look at/touch everything. All in all it was a good buy I suppose. I got nothing but cranberry juice it’s all I need. Ryan met us there and then we went to eat for the first time that day. We went to Emperor’s Wok which I think looks dicey as fuck but the food is fucking legit!

After eating Alex reminded me that I needed to take a picture of the booze for this blog that he thinks has too many pictures and not enough words. So I took this picture…

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To which he took this one to make it look nice….

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Then he held his Vodka like a baby…

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Just your average Friday. It was pretty much cocktail o’clock when we got back which was good because I was thirsty. Before you know it Nikki was home from work and it was almost time to go out. But not before she had surgery on her shirt.

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Her and the shirt both made through with flying colors, even though it would appear like bitch is about to be murdered. With my solid buzz going we were off to Honey to get the night started with my girl Alex! I love her because she makes my drinks strong and doesn’t let bitches charge on my tab. Honey was the beginning of the end for me that day.

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I learned that this is how you smoke when you don’t want to smell like you smoke!

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My coworker love came out with me! ( I thoroughly apologize on behave of my shit show self.)

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I made Nikki go stand by the wall by herself…I can’t remember what she did but I banished her.

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Ole girl Brittany found her though and did a little humping…it’s fine!

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This is Morgan (we love her) she came in town to surprise Tiffany for her birthday!

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Tiffany actually looks this frightened every time she enters a bar in the grove…just a fact.

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Nikki what have I told you about those lips?

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Ole girl Ralph was there…we capture pictures to send to Ms. Bobzin so she can be jealous. (even though she probs wouldn’t be jealous)

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We saw this bride…I’m not sure what’s going on  with my face but it would seem that the events coming up can be foreseen in this picture.

So we were ready to crawl to the next bar. We got the troops gathered and headed outside. While waiting for everyone I was like I’m gonna lean on this wall. So I leaned back and fucking FELL. Because there was no wall it was a doorway. Literally I was on the ground  and just asked if someone got a picture…no one did. Katie was the only one that asked if I was ok but that just because she doesn’t know that one member of the shit show usually goes down at some point in the night and it just happened to be me. It did suck though because I totally bashed my head on the door. While walking to Erneys I noticed my finger was bleeding like woah. That’s where things got fuzzy….like I kept coming in and out of my own life that night.

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This picture for instance I saw it and I said…’I was in the VodBox’…I mean for real did I do a shot? If so who bought it? I mean thanks to that person! Am I able to stand on my own or was I confused and just trying to hug Danny?

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Apparently Morgan and I thought we were on Dancing with the Normal People…I actually don’t remember this at all.

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This pic was on my own phone…which means I had someone take a picture of me playing on a stripper pole….I don’t even remember being on the stripper pole!!!

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In case anyone was worried YES Brandi was out!

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Morgan got a picture with Alan while he DJed. I stumbled in and told him I fell and demanded to hear Ke$ha…

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At first they’re sweet….

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Then they try to force you into giving oral!

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Or just pretend to be European and kiss cheeks!

We left Erney’s and headed down to Vaks. Katie left me at a table to go home. I had reached the point where I had to sit down…or die. So I sat down.

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Nikki got a nice rim job from the statue

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I tried to steal Kayla’s whale and rose.

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and Tiffany got some dick!

Nikki had to drive me down to Erneys so I could get the apartment key and drive my car to Alex’s…which actually Nikki could have let me in but obvious logic wasn’t happening. So I go into Erneys because I also needed to find Ryan whom has been MIA for quite a while. So I text him and I get no response so I’m like fuck it I’m tired I’m going to bed. I drive to the apartment and Nikki’s coming out of the door. She was like he’s in there but it smells real bad. I go in and I turn on the light and I find….

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CAT PATTIES!!!!!!!!!

Mind you when you’re wasted…and even the next day and following after this is hilarious as fuck. I text Alex and he was all sorts of pissy about it. Like we(meaning Ryan) weren’t going to clean it up. I’m just glad to know that while he decided he was going to act like a douchebag he was at least dressed like one.

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The next morning I woke up because Nikki had come home to move her shit out. I helped and manage to basically traumatized Christina for life. Telling her naughty things to which she finally reminded me that this was Jesus’s weekend and he was rising. Best defense ever! So in the mean time Ryan had begun to stir. Christina wasn’t feeling the puke on the carpet…but she definitely wasn’t feeling the puke that fell off the blanket.

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Bitch ran out of that house so fast it was ridiculous. Literally she text Nikki and was like I just couldn’t do it!

So after Ryan and I cleaned everything up (Mind you he cleaned up his vom and I did the dishes) we laid there for another hour before going to get McDonald’s. Which normally when hung over it makes you feel better about life but it did not that day. Literally got back from McD’s and slept again until 5 pm when Alex got back and said we had to get ready for birthday dinner.

Dinner was at Sub Zero. Which I love it’s legit as fuck. Tiffany was 45 minutes late for her own birthday party and Alan was the first person to say fuck it I’m ordering food. After dinner we all car pooled to Shelly’s for some pre bar pre gaming.

I got into the back of Danny’s car and literally had the hardest time getting back out. I hit my head…then my knee on the center console…then my head again on the door frame.

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I was in so much pain. I walked into the apartment literally feeling a lump forming on my head and asked Shelly for aspirin to which she replied that she had some 800 milligram from Mexico that her grandma got her. I didn’t ask questions….

I was thankful that my Beer pong partner was there. Team Wesbo literally killed it. We owned the table the entire night.

Here are some disappointed losers:

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Here we are after three out of five wins

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We got to do their birthdays right by having them feed cake to eachother…which they actually managed to do wrong and just wrap their arms and feed themselves.

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My what a lovely bong!

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Shelly literally stood there for like twenty minutes. I had to take a picture because I was so engrossed by watching this unfold.

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Double fisting and a bit frosty about that loss in Beer Pong

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Look Christina! Heavens light is shining upon you!

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Drunk! That’s all! But thanks for watching us play the game.

We headed over to the club around 11. On the way Alex text us to hurry because the list was filling up…we got there and literally it was empty…filling up how?

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Backseat bitches!

Once bottle service began it was all downhill from there….

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Mind you Nikki’s hair was straight and not boufed on top when the night began

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Christina is asking for Jesus’s help to get through the night.

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As interesting as this picture is I’m totally focused on whatever is going on with Alan and Chuck in the background

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So precious when friends hold friends like babies.

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I just find this funny for some reason…like whats going on with Alan’s arms?

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aww Jeffrey at least you’re still standing!

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Typical!

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All sorts of special!

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Oh yeah Casey showed up!(That two mentions there Caset)

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The girl in pink is getting married…thats the random guy she was making out with….

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I was trying to meditate but Amber ruined it and I couldn’t keep it together…but really I think this is like one of the funniest fucking pictures ever.

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Bitch switched sides because she thought her hair looked curly on one side haha

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Then I got it in a little bit when she was sorta passed out!

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Here’s the deal…she made us take like ten pics and this is the one she let me keep…aka drunk

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‘Weswey take my picture’

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‘Casey take a picture with me’

‘Wesley I only take pictures when I’m drunk’

‘I’m drunk’

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What would Jesus think?

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Here’s probably one of the best pictures of the night. Literally Tiffany is passed out and Christina could give a shit!

But hey Tiff at least you stayed the whole time unlike some people who were down for the count at 1:30, you know who you are!

I left the bar with Danny and Alan. We were waiting in the car for Alan and when he opened the door my brain said oh put your cigarette out…which I put out on Alan’s hand but I didn’t burn him I only burned myself.

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Dumb!

Wake up the next day and continued to wear the same clothes from the night before on a daytime adventure with Shelly. Lunch and mimosa’s at Hamburger Mary’s. Then a Wal-Mart run and then finally got my stuff and went home. It was nice to spend some time with her to chat. It’s been a hot minute.

In the process I started going through withdrawals.

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It was a rough weekend but totally worth it.

Is it bad if I’m referred to as the town drunk at work?

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