Oh Snow You Didn’t!

As a child there was nothing more exciting than a snow day. As an adult…it’s the most dreadful thing in the world if you work somewhere that never closes!

Let us not forget it’s currently March 24, 2013. MARCH TWENTY FUCKING FOURTH! What is this shit?!?

A few negative notes about working in the Hospitality industry when snow happens is that everyone reverts to be children. Suddenly you become parents for 502 rooms of people.

These new children of yours whine about just about everything. The roads aren’t clear! I need another room tonight and it better be free! Why aren’t all the restaurants open! Why isn’t the television working! Why is there so much snow! Can I get some comps for this!

As my coworker said ‘I’m not Mother Nature. I am not Planet Earth. I can’t control the weather and I can’t comp things because of it.’ Mind you she said this to me and not to a guest.

Here are the facts…yes it is snowing. Yes the snow knocked out the satellite. Yes we closed some restaurants to keep some employees home. No that doesn’t mean everything is free.

Who do you complain to when the TV goes out at home when there’s a storm? No one, so why is it that it’s my fault? Well it’s my fault because in customer service no matter the situation it’s always your fault.

But I digress let’s discuss some of our favorite snow memories together.

In high school a group of us planned to go to the bamboo Chinese buffet then go sledding at the viaduct. Interesting fact that buffet would soon close and be a complete eye sore in town but back to the point! After eating we headed over to go sledding. There was just enough snow to have an awesome time, only by the time we finally went to go sledding the sun had set. Causing all the snow to ice over…thus making the adventure a bit rougher. Alicia Kirgan was with us and the one thing her parents told her to do was to not go sledding….I mean really what could go wrong? One could never predict or be prepared for what happened to poor Alicia. While her slippery slope began just normal suddenly it turned dark. Somehow the sled tilted forward and Alicia landed on her face. She had only made it about halfway down the hill and finished her decent literally face first…

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I’m pretty sure this is what the snow looked like…it was dark so I can’t confirm this but who is going to question this?

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This is pretty much how her face looked….even the sad pity me face and all!

We took her to a friend’s house to clean her up and devised the perfect lie; A lie that no one would question and would be completely believable in any situation. Alicia had been attacked by a polar bear. No one would dare question our high school logic.

A few years later in college there was a girl who lived on our wing in Woodland that had never really seen snow. Tina was a scary bad ass. Like literally you didn’t want to cross Tina, if we were loud past quiet hours she let us know it was time to shut the fuck up. Tina had a soft side too. This soft side would be majorly discovered the night of the first big snow. Mind you several crop dustings had occurred that would give her excitement. However the anticipation of the first snow was massive. I was so excited for her I went home and got my sled and had it in my closet knowing that we would soon need it. The time finally came. I can’t tell you who all went sledding with us besides maybe my roommate Mike, Candace and Ellen. Although we had a sled it wasn’t enough so we stole some trays from the MUC. Mind you I’m sure we all know that sledding is fucking boss! But you sometimes forget how fun it can be. If you ever get to the point of forgetting the fun part of snow take someone who has never been sledding sledding. It pays to give someone this treat. I will never forget the feeling or the laughs and screams for as long as I live.

Now some dumbfuckery for you. Most of you have never met my brother. If you have you may have forgotten him or not but here’s some classic Michael stories for ya.

One day when it snowed my brother was playing with his friend Shawn in the trailer park he lived in. They decided that it would be really cool to walk out onto the frozen lake that was semi frozen.

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A nosey trailer park woman decided this was unsafe but rather than go outside and say something she called the cops. Not too long after they stopped playing on the ice and my brother decided to start walking home. Having the description of my brother the cop on his way to detain them on the lake began to follow him to see what mischief he would get into now. My brother being unmischievous simply walked home, once there the cop was able to inform my parents of this dumb occurrence. Rather than punish he was able to go outside an hour later or so after warming up. So he returned to the frozen tundra.

I’m sure at this point you’re wondering how he could best himself.

Well dude goes outside and lays in the street because he sees this coming…..

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I told my parents and my dad darted out that door yelling at him to get out of the damn street. My brother gave a thumbs up…that didn’t go over that well more yelling occurred and finally he got out of the street just in time. Just in time to utter the word…

WHAT?

He couldn’t and didn’t and probably still doesn’t think any bodily harm would have come from being hit by a snow plow.

Ladies and gentleman…my brother!

We did have some fun times in that neighborhood though. Our neighbor Brandy’s family tied a sled up to the back of a lawn mower and once to the back of a van and they would drive us around on the road before the street would get plowed…I mean it was le-fucking-git!

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I enjoy that when you yell out ‘WATCH OUT FOR BLACK ICE’ it kinda sounds like ‘WATCH OUT FOR BLACK GUYS’….it’s the little things.

I like that one time I got stuck in Josh Goodrich’s neighbors yard because he made me leave my home during a snowstorm to go to the mall….yeah not bright what can you do.

For your viewing pleasure I give you comics that made me look forward to winter every year

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