Thursday’s normal routine was deviated from because Alex was in Taylorville so instead I got dinner with the deadly sick Nikki…really she was grossly sick. She made me go with her to Walmart to get meds and other sick people essentials like hello kitty shirts…
Oh and I got this classy photo of her sans make up…
After Walmart we went to Applebee’s and drove past a car accident in the parking lot of the Hanley Walmart. I mean this parking lot is a stop sign nightmare. Anyway this car accident was with a blue Nissan Versa and the entire engine was no longer attached. That’s how I learned how bad my car will look when it gets hit…not a fan of it so I will definitely being trying harder to drive safer.
Got to Applebee’s and there was a crowd of people looking down at another accident! This one with an ambulance…meaning shit was real! I mean…get it together Hanley you be killing bitches. Nikki was talking about John Mayer being a douche while walking in but she said ‘he’ and the guy walking out was like ‘I feel the same way about myself’. Oh really sir? You think you’re a douche?
The bartender snatched us up to sit with her. She was pretty cool. Nikki was like ‘I mean I think we need to invite her to hang out with us’. When my food got there I shockingly stated ‘Oh my god there’s glass in my food’…apparently this is like saying bomb on a plane. Nikki and I both laughed but the poor manager may have suffered a slight heart palpitation. Nikki’s ass kept asking about her food so much until the waitress made her order something else. ‘Why are there mushrooms on here?’ ‘What’s the weird taste on my chicken’
After dinner we went back to the apartment so she could die and I could go meet Alex to drink. It’s always nice to get in early and be able to have a conversation with Paul and Alex…then the drunks start showing up and all goes to hell! (by drunks showing up I mean my alcohol intake makes me a different person) Connie joined me but only after setting up a surprise for Alex in his apartment for when he got off. Ole girl Lauren Rapp was there and it’s always nice to catch up with her over beverages. Constance got in a verbal altercation with a dude because he tried to steal her shit….bitches better learn ya don’t steal from Big C. She’ll rough a bitch up with words then she’ll hit ya.
Oh yeah and my black mom Tiwauna showed up! Out of nowhere really but it was an awesome surprise. Especially when that kid was talking to her and just whipped out. Classic! I’m not sure which picture I look drunker in…
After the bar closed we went down the street so I could crash. Before they went to eat breakfast Connie made sure Alex made it upstairs so he could see his surprise. Connie had managed to put up four stand up posters in his house. Three Paris Hilton and one Queen Latifah. I don’t know that he was thrilled but it was pretty funny and sneaky and surprising of Connie. I rarely ever join on these breakfast adventures 1. Because its nearly impossible for me to stay up much later after being up literally 21 hours and 2. I can’t bring myself to eat that late.
So alas I went to bed. Despite getting some rest I was still super tired when Alex woke me up to go watch the Basketball game but I was still super sleepy. So I slept a little longer. Alex came back and I put his birthday present together. Once that was done I just absorbed some of the beautiful sunlight outside before heading to Danny’s for dinner. He made us some wonderful chicken nachos. After dinner Nikki went home to get ready while Danny, Alan and I went to rehab for a pre cocktail cocktail. Angela confirmed that I would die on my birthday. Seeing as how she’ll be slinging my drinks that night I’ll go ahead and prepare a will. After our drink Alan dropped Danny and I off at Nikki’s. After a shot we headed to Vaks for the night to begin.
‘Wesley make sure you get a picture of that guy’~Nikki
So she stalked RuPaul and found her inside
She found this girl and said I had to include her look in my blog.
‘Wesley take pictures of us Harlam Shaking!’~ Nikki. I mean god bless girl you can’t take a pic of it! But I had to follow instructions.
The Nene Leakes ‘WHAT’
Haha for some reason this picture makes me a little sad.
Thats better Nikki way to lock it up
I’m not sure what either one of us is thinking.
When in doubt…DARE Dance!
Then get a little nasty and drop it like it’s hot
Then three way drop it because why not?
When I get mad sometimes I throw chairs…it’s fine!
Right when it was time to leave Sarah got there with this girl named Brittany who is fucking awesome might I add. She did manage to take this cone on the walk to the car.
haha so many bullshit things happening here
I really don’t know how sanitary it was to put it on her head.
Nikki sure was excited about it though.
I mean….Nikki’s gonna get it…but Brittany’s about to take it…
I drove Nikki’s car down to Erney’s. Part of the time it was with no hands….part of it was spent in neutral thanks to Sarah shifting it and me not knowing what the fuck was happening.
I didn’t see this picture get taken…but I heard the rock hit the pavement.
Once we got inside it was on! I mean for real it’s probably the only place I can pretty much relax.
Someone needs to calm it down a bit on the lip gloss apparently…
Some kind of staring contest…
It’s for real look at our eyes open!
Ohhhh shit it’s a mad off!!!!!
I lost….
This guy kept telling me to believe in myself and bought me a shot 🙂 I’m honestly not super familiar with our conversation…
There must be some Toro’s in the atmosphere.
My armpit hair is just out in full force!
and pose!
Outside on a smoke break and out walks sarah with the damn VIP ropes! Got me weak
She’s a part time model
For some reason drunk Wesley thought this would be a great idea…
because i fucking fell off….I got a scratch and everything!
Oh hai Kelsi!
Oh did I mention my Heather was there(you seeing this Nikki…she’s my Heather)
I took a picture with these girls…for obvious reasons
One last cock ring shot…I mean VIP rope…
So once the bar closed I drove Nikki back to the apartment to crash. Apparently I pulled into the parking lot like a race car driver…it’s fine though…arrive alive right? We got into the apartment not so subtly only to find Alex’s cousin and her friend in the bed. We apologized profusely for waking them up…at least I think that’s what happened…what the fuck ever we went to bed.
Now waking up wasted is always hilarious. It takes forever to get ready and there were so many bodies on the floor…slight raping in the night. Anger over me and Nikki sleeping in the California King with just the two of us and four people slept on the floor. Trying to get dressed when you can barely walk or stand…it’s just ludicrous.
The great thing about waking up early drunk is that you can start drinking right away.
Thanks Laura for the Irish car bombs…and by thanks I mean I did two and gagged both times…when you’re full of booze nothing helps you keep going through the day like a hearty breakfast
Thanks Alex for stopping to pick up this meal!
Alan had some Four Loko for breakfast.
Irish drinking pride y’all!
Had to get a picture of this crazy guy walking around without using his crutches…must have had the luck of the irish.
We found parking and while we were walking to the parade I ran into my cousin Christy and my non cousin cousins Nikki, Casey and Sara
While I was talking to them the group left me!
Managed to take this picture and tag me in it on FB and I wasn’t even present…bitches and hoes
I found them!
Laura managed to find white snooki!
LOCK IT UP, COMB YOUR HAIR AND GO HOME!!!
This face means it’s time to go this parade sucks! So off to Rehab!
But let’s climb on this sculpture first!
On the way to the car we saw a TMNT and it was turtle time! Laura yelled at the bitch to not go anywhere we were coming for her and the bitch crossed the street and tried to enter a restaurant…like really did you not hear us?
After this Danny proclaimed that his hands were wasted….by wasted he meant freezing. He also said he wanted to hear End of Time by Bebeyonce! and I laughed for like five minutes.
Laura had to go to the bathroom. It’s fine we support her.
I’m impressed with how well this shirt has held up! I mean it’s hilarious.
I keep looking at Danny being all fierce then drift to stare at whatever my finger is doing on my face
Nipple!
Lez B Honest!
I mean why not three-way kiss?
Nikki said she wanted to make out….I got this!
This pic should be a profile picture for all three of us!
It’s nice to take normal photos sometimes…sad I’m the only one with a drink though…
Taking bar naps are always fun. You really need to use the buddy system otherwise you’ll fall off the bar stool.
Once we were all drunk we were off to Novaks for food. Except Laura she was…busy.
Danny got D for Danny…I got U which I referred to as the shocker.
After fooding I walked Jeremy back to Alex’s…It was a very entertaining walk…but I got him there in one piece and he only fell once so I would call that quite successful. Dropped him off we all went back to Danny’s to nap before Honey. We were awoken by Christina…I grapped her boob…it’s fine. While we were gone this happened…
It’s like half Dirty Dancing
I’m sorry I missed these…
Nikki and I went to her apartment to get ready. We found poor Jeremy still asleep. He woke up and his poor hair was a mess. He didn’t believe me so he took a pic
We voted it was a mess.
After we were cleaned up it was off to Honey. DJ Disco Dick sure is swell!
Somebody put baby in the corner
Ole gurl Ralph was there!
I loved this girl in the middle. Her name is Amy and she like I knows the dance from Can’t Buy Me Love! I mean it’s my favorite!
Laura = drunk. I told Peter he was dressed like a sophisticated penguin.
I dropped it low again…I mean if you can why not?
Aww Nikki and her demon eyes
I mean I’m not sure how this happened or why Laura made him take a picture but he was all about picking her up and so why not?
Then she made this weird love connection…I mean it was weird.
Disco Dick got some bitches dancing!
I wasn’t really sure what was happening here….there was a lot of math confusion…bitch was standing behind the bar…
Then I got it!
‘Wesley can you take a picture of this’~ Nikki
‘Not of my boobs!’
So not of your boobs? But of you fake pooping in a trash can…it’s fine!
There’s the money shot!
Shortly after my wasted self was spent and closed out my tab. Got threatened by Nikki not to lock the door. Then took the four block walk back to the apartment…alone…in the rain…
An hour later Nikki came home and we talked about how wasted we were and it was simply a magical weekend
This post is brought to you by Nikki drunk texting me Sunday night!
Confessions of a Someday Somebody 