I spend every work day thinking to myself ok when do I get to drink…Thursday but of course. So when I punch out at 4:30 it’s time for the fun and adventure to begin.
Now normally Alex and I would eat before going to the bar but I was so fucking full from eating at the Buffet at work that I literally couldn’t think about food. Nor could he because his tooth hurt too bad to eat. So we literally just sat around.
Normally I would go to the bar with him but Danny was all like ‘I mean…I wanna watch The House Bunny on thursday’…I’m always down to watch The House Bunny. Always remember the eyes are the nipples of the face….
Connie called pretty much when the movie was over and was like I think I’m gonna beat you I’m right around the corner. I’m like wow this is a first. So I leave and go to the bar, a twenty-minute journey, and I still beat the bitch….I don’t understand this girl! It’s like she plans it that way.
Don’t worry though we took an awkward pic for Lynn that I will share with you…but it could be worse I could have made the demon face. Spenser was with us too but he pussed out reallllllllll early. Connie left me alone for like the last hour or so the bar was open. It was fine though my friend Vodka was still there. I may or may not have fallen asleep while Paul and Alex were sleeping…I mean like I was listening to JHud and I was real tired and a minute long cat nap is ok now and again.
Alex rolled out to go submit his money at the bank before it burnt a hole in his pocket. I went back to the apartment and promptly died…pissing him off course!
1 pm came around real quick….but I mean I looked good for the first cocktail for the day.
I mean my head hurt like a mother fuck so I had to do something to make the pain subside right? RIGHT?!? While enjoying a nice morning(afternoon really because it was like 1:30) someone was outside trying to serve one of Alex’s neighbor’s…don’t worry they weren’t after sweet brown they wanted the guy with the dog.
‘What kind of car does he drive?’ ‘When is he usually home?’ – Like dude I have no idea quit acting like the Terminator.
Alex kept himself busy cleaning while I was hiding under a blanket because I was fucking freezing. Got motivated enough to take a shower. Once I was done I politely hung up the towel I borrowed the following terrible awful happened…
‘Oh did you leave your towel here’ – Alex
‘No I took it home with me’ – Me
‘Oh well I thought this was your towel.’ – Alex
‘You don’t know whose towel this was? I wiped my face and balls on this towel!’ – Me
Needless to say it was quite traumatic. I mean the mystery is still unsolved as to whose towel I wiped my nuts on. Sorry bout it!
Connie showed up with lunch for us and pretty much brought me back to life. The only thing left to do was to get Alex to get ready so we could get to the movies on time…I failed. We didn’t miss anything other than the good seats.
I did get to add this dominatrix ensemble piece from Nikki’s collection….I worked it.
Oz The Great and Powerful was pretty legit. I enjoyed it very much and thank the lord we watched it at the Moolah because it was long and I wouldn’t have been comfortable but those damn couches are marvelous. After the movie it was off to Danny’s to eat before going out. He looked like he could have cut a bitch simply for the phone wait.
Daddy Alan dropped us off at the bar. He needs to remember to reset those damn child safety locks so I can get out of the damn seat. Here is the deal though arriving early all the damn time is the hot mess karaoke. I mean I know I can’t sing so I don’t….what the fuck is that matter with the rest of these people.
‘Wesley can you take a picture’ – Nikki
I love this girl! Wasted as a mug. I would normally be upset about not being invited to a Darty (Day Party) but as you’ve read I was having a great day.
Brandi Nikki’s tan be making you look like Twilight.
Organized swag…it’s fine
I made Shelly write me a note before I went down to Erney’s…Alex read it and threw it directly into the trash can…rude! But thanks for the help Shelly!
On the way to Nikki’s car she’s like ‘I mean my gym bag is still in my car so it probably smells’…girl it did! Like sweat and shit(not literal shit but like and shit as in stuff)
Bitch had to move her seat up real far and it had to be documented apparently. I mean I won’t fight for the front seat but it’s really tricky to be in the back seat I shall say. Like when she made a turn and I hit my head and then laid my face down on her gym back got a nice whiff then died.
Danny decided to be a car model by the time we got to the bar. Twerk!
‘I mean but look at my underwear hanging out…I mean but take a picture’ -Nikki
Blowing Rudolph always a good idea.
Sometimes I just like to climb things…I mean this is the face of an excited person…plus I dropped my cigarette and I thought it was hilarious.
Someone was a bit kissyface
Those damn underpants made another cameo appearance.
Shit got real…we told some girl named Amber that she was in the group…I wonder what happened to her…then we had a photo shoot outside
I lost my hands…it was exciting.
No hands but open for business
This is when Kayla turned it into a photo shoot
I mean are those Jazz hands
Between Kayla’s legs shot….I mean but Brandi and Danny are being real serious…
When Danny is being serious this makes him feel better…or us…I’m not sure
Kayla attacked this poor chair…and by chair I mean tree but I typed chair first and sometimes you need to be able to accept your mistakes.
When you have branches you have a photo shoot.
It was time to go and on the journey home we had a Spice Girls sing along and by we I mean Kayla and I did. We got some Rally’s.
I ate after midnight don’t tell Alex…
Kayla trying to go to bed….it was a process.
The next day I woke up early…it was like 11. I went downstairs and got in bed with Brandi who tucked me in while watching Hoarders…this bitch had roaches..ROACHES…and she’s like this is my kid’s fault I’m handicapped and they won’t clean up this mess…bitch get your shit together.
Danny forced me to go shower so we could go to Target and Schnucks
This lady was wearing an ugly patch coat…wasn’t feeling it. I couldn’t really function while shopping like I couldn’t lift this box that wasn’t heavy because I was dead…just body dead.
At Schnucks I tried to sneak things into the cart…but Danny was quick he already knew he had ground beef at home. Mission Failed!
We did however find all three new Lay’s!!!!!
This bitch flung herself on the floor to read The Lion King….like a boss!
I left our cart behind this motorcycle it’s fine though. Shouldn’t take up big people spaces.
We vegged out for a while watching Scared straight before Danny went to nap and I went home to get my laundry and shit done…all in all it was a good weekend.
I leave you all with this to ponder….