Wait…what do you mean it’s not Mardi Gras?

It all started with a genius idea


But first I had to get through the rest of the week.

Valentine’s was spent with Constance and Landon. I text Connie earlier in the week and we decided she would be my Drunkentine and I her Boozeheart.

I may have gotten really drunk and then Alex and Connie did this to me…


It’s fine though at least it was a happy face.

Friday I went home and got ready for the night out and to pack clothes for Saturday. Had dinner with Alex at Qdoba then dropped my stuff off at Danny’s and headed out for a night of bar hopping with Danny, Brandi, Kayla, Casey, Laura and Nikki.

First we hit up Novaks


I mean I don’t know why we don’t use this app more often. People really need to get me to fucking focus.

We started with a cocktail and some Vegas Bombs. Lord help us when we start with shots.

Thank goodness Danny was there to try to teach Kayla cups.

If may have been slightly complicated because she was using cigarettes at first…


If anyone needs to make a call…these two bitches have a show phone


I actually was fascinated to see the top of Sarah’s head


Sometimes I pride myself in my ability to photo bomb…but really there is a reason there are mirrors and it ain’t to call Bloody Mary.


In case you didn’t know I can get low…


and Nikki can raise her leg up really high


We made our way down to Honey. at first we were like ok let’s all potty break and get out of there. Literally after I took this picture


a song came on that I couldn’t even name because I don’t even remember. The next thing you know we tore up that dance floor and made it our bitch.


We were moving so fast you could only catch the slow moments like here when Brandi raped me


I loved when this occurred because it cause some basic bitches to copy it on the other wall…NEXT


This Eiffel tower made me gag a little bit

We made our way down to Erney’s to see Alex and Alan. Got a nice are fucking kitting me eye roll from Alex when we walked in drunk as fuck. Brandi and Kayla left Danny and I behind so we had to take a Taxi cab.

Let me just say two things about this taxi ride

  1. I swear to God one of the wheels was going to fall off at any moment. I kept touching Danny’s arm to signal to him that we were going to die, but he wouldn’t acknowledge it.
  2. The entire cab ride was about the appropriate usage of hate words.
  3. I taught him about the oh shit handle in a car.

Needless to say it was fucking interesting and the fucking cameramen never seem to be around when I need them. After a lovely chat it was time to retire for Mardi Gras 2.0.

In the morning Danny woke me up. I swear I jumped but he assures me I just turned my head and called him a creep. All I know for certain is I did in fact call him a creep.

Can I just say how difficult it was to do ANYTHING when I first got up. My legs were still intoxicated! I’m pretty sure I pooped three times. I think Brandi was worried about me because it was taking me so long to get ready.

Pretty much at the exact moment that I got my 90’s clothes on the gang was all there. So we packed into Laura’s car. It was a five seater and we had six people. Most people would see this as a problem but not us.


We just put Brandi in the trunk!

So we were mother fucking off to Benton Park Cafe to get some breaffast.

Can I just say how tired I am of the issues with me, this group and restaurants. I got completely ignored. Dude walked his bearded self out of the room without taking my order but taking everyone elses. Then when the food arrived Laura got my burrito but they were like oh this is Casey’s burrito oh no sorry this is Wesley’s burrito. At least three other people had at this point touched my food. Fuck it I was drinking so it was gonna be fine.

P.S. Since when have beards been acceptable to have while serving? That shit sheds like a mother fuck!

We were on our way to Bastille to kick off the Mardi Gras parade when my song came on…Back that azz up by Juvenile!


Thanks to the oh shit handle I was able to lift my azz up to work it out!

We arrived at Bastille and Nikki was real excited about our VIP parking. To which she was quickly informed that it’s VIP parking because no one else was there!


We let her out of the trunk!

Laura walked straight to the bar and this happened

“What time does the Parade start?”~Laura

“Oh honey you’re a week late.” ~ Random bartender guy

“Are you kidding me? I drove here for four days in an RV to get here and you’re telling me I missed it?” ~Laura

“Sorry honey.” ~ Random Bartender Guy

I mean for real it was hilarious as fuck.

We headed straight back to our private party room. By private room I mean the other patrons that would come and go were not having it or coming back to see us…rude as fuck.

We started with our regular cocktails. The bartender was nice enough to give us some shots…


By nice I mean the asshole gave us FIREBALL shots! WTF do you not know we are bomb people? Also it was just mean.


  1. Don’t smell it just take it!
  2. Photobombed
  3. She never finished it.

With drinks well under way the madness began!



Why not get on her shoulders and almost fall off? I mean why not? Put that in the great idea book. It is nice though that we were able to provide different angles for you….that fucking cat!


We do what we want! Even with empty kegs…and Casey’s beads look like they’re teabaggin it.


Our non make out sessions are so hot




It kinda became a let’s take things adventure…Brandi wanted this turtle but we regretted how dusty squirt was.


The DR is definitely IN


It will only pinch for a second!


There really are no boundaries


Licking pussy eyes is the BEST!


I mean do you even have to ask?




Sometimes nice pictures happen


Sexy Pinball…I hope they got it in the hole


I can see the resemblance….


Close to done…#lockitup


Some friends flew in for the festivities!


We stole these marshmallows…


I took a pic of Casey taking a pic of Danny with the marshmallows…I mean it’s pretty damn artsy if you ask me which you wont…


You can actually do a lot with a bag of mini marshmallows!!!! Who knew?


Hey Buddy!


How this crusty turtle made it in the car I don’t know but thanks for the Asbestos guys!

We arrived at Rehab and it was time for someone to get out of that damn trunk



For some reason someone thought it would be cute to start throwing the bag of marshmallows and when I aimed to hit Laura’s ass I knocked her cell phone out of her hand. My Bad!


This bitch needed to lock it up!

We went in and of course…


had to get them in before the others arrived!

Alex, Kayla, Adam and Alan joined us. Thanks sober friends for your assistance!


Why people try to take cute pics I’ll never understand. Why you gotta look good y’all?


Group shot which is always massively painful to organize


That guy thought he was awesome!


God Bless a dare dance!


I mean why not?


I wish this were a video so you could hear people yelling when the wheels started drifting the cart.


I mean Nikki was all about hands in her whoohaaa that day


Does Kayla know about this?


I mean get to work Nikki!


Casey took this picture to send to my coworkers because they said they look like Pocahontas and he got excited and turned on at the same time!


Shining bright like a mother fucking diamond!


Those glasses make Danny look real smart!


I mean who keeps their legs down while lying on a bar couch?


They played my song again!!!!!!


She has to push my ass down so I can grind on her…I mean it’s ridic


Danny had to take a breather after he jumped off the stage like a Rockstar! and landed on his knees…


I mean I guess you could use the cell phone case for that…

We left Rehab and headed to Novaks for a bite only to walk into a child invasion! I mean why do you have your babies in a bar? Playing guitar and singing and shit! There are drunk people around!


Alan got a cavity search…he liked it


I feel like one of these days we will get thrown out of a bar….

I don’t really remember leaving….like how it occured…like I guess we just roll bounced outta there


This happened in the car…nice tits Casey

Before I passed out for a few hours I got this pic of Alan who didn’t even bother to close the door….I mean for real we were all in the room!


Woke up to a bed full of lesbians and I was still wasted…

Walked downstairs only to fall at the foot of the stairs because my socks were slippy…for those of you who missed it, it was definitely a Kodak moment!

This wild adventure was brought to you by this picture of Casey


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