Everyday

It’s funny how quickly things can change. Like me for example, it’s hard to imagine that only moments ago I was a living breathing human being. You see that lump on the floor over there is me; I’ll get to how I died later for now I want to leave my legacy. I guess death is something that we tend to runaway from, the idea of it especially the reality of it. Had I known that this morning when I woke up that I would be dead in only a few short hours I suppose I would have done things, well differently. I would have told my loved ones that I love them. Would have only taken a few minutes, I suppose its something that I could have done everyday. A phone call, a text, an email, such small insignificant things that could help people with grief. So for that I am sorry, sorry for not letting people know how I felt about them before the end, my end.

I actually had this weird plan a few years ago. I was going to put together a sort of will and give it to my closest friend. It would include what I wanted to happen at my own funeral, I would want it to be more about a celebration of me and less about a preacher telling people I am in a better place. Without knowing whether I am going to heaven or hell I would just prefer to not make a preacher lie in front of my family and friends and tell them I was in a better place. My fake will would also include all of my passwords to Facebook, Myspace and all the rest, because I don’t want people writing on my wall after I’m dead saying how much they’re going to miss me. I would definitely give that a big dislike. I know who will miss me the most and I don’t need the extra friends worshiping my existence most of them only knowing who I was and not who I became. (Pause). I apologize all this talking I’ve been doing and I haven’t even really introduced myself.

My name is Henry. I am…was 31 years old. Growing up I was ahead of my class; I got good grades and was in the advanced courses. I took school and my extracurriculars very seriously. Then college happened and while I would love to say that the whole good grades deal continued it really didn’t. I went from an A student to a B-C student. What can I say I got carried away with partying living the life I never had before; drugs, booze, sex…you name it and I did it. I don’t think it’s something anyone should apologize for you are just doing things you always wanted to do but were always afraid to try. After all the schooling I got a job right away. It paid well and with it I got a car, a nice apartment and nice things to furnish my new home. I never found the one but I found plenty of almosts. I’m sure it would have been nice to settle down with someone but I suppose my fear of commitment helped someone out. Now they don’t have to grieve the loss of the love of their life.

Really I guess there are a lot of things I would have done differently. I wasn’t always kind and for that I’m sorry I just never had the tolerance to put up with most people. Something I know now that I should have worked on. I would have tried harder to be a go-getter, to make more money to buy more things, sorry but vanity is something that I have always treasured can’t apologize for liking nice things. Actually now that I think about it I don’t think I would really apologize for so many things. Really why do we spend so much time saying we’re sorry when we’re not. The past is the past for a reason let it go don’t worry about saying sorry, unless of course on the rare occasion you do mean it. Honestly if you upset someone and they are willing to forgive you then why bother with semantics, just move on already and get back to living. Something that for me is over.

I suppose now is a good as time as any to tell you what happened, before the bright light comes to take me away assuming it is a bright light I saw a movie once and a bus drove around picking up souls. I’m not really a fan of public transportation so I’m really banking on that light. Back to my death, when I woke up this morning I did everything like normal ate breakfast, got ready for the day, checked my planner and saw that I had nothing going on in the morning so I decided to clean, definitely will not miss that. Around lunch I decided I needed to go out to get food because there was nothing to make in the apartment. So I got in my car and started driving to town to go to the store. For some reason as I was driving past the bank I impulsively pulled in, I didn’t need money and I didn’t need to make a deposit so really there was no reason to go there but I did anyway. I suppose I could just take out some cash for the store instead of using a check or a card. There were only a few people inside and everything seemed normal. Then out of nowhere the person in front of me whips out of gun and shoots the guard, don’t worry he’s fine. He told the teller to load up the bag, she did and then he moved on to the next teller.

With each teller it just never seemed to be enough money. Its human nature really because as humans we never think we have enough. Next thing you know he wants in the vault. He grabs this young teller and tells her to take him to it and open it for him. She was no more than 18 and was sobbing, begging for him to stop and let her go. Something in me just couldn’t watch this poor girl suffer be traumatized for the rest of her life just because some asshole decided to rob a bank. As they walked past me something really snapped and the next thing you know my leg swung out and tripped the gunman. He fell and dropped his gun, as I was getting up to try and contain him, to stop him from harming anyone else. Then it happened the gun went off three times and I felt each bullet enter my body. The first one was here (points to his upper arm) the second one was here (points to his chest) and the last one hit me here (points to the side of his neck) grazed me as I was falling to the ground. As I lay on the ground clinging to the life I had left, blood rushing from the new holes in my body, I thought about all the people I’d known and the life I lived. The mistakes I had made, the promises I made to people, the love I had but never shared. I thought so much about the past, I’ve heard that some people will sometimes envision the life they could have had. See how their kids would grow, see themselves begin to age and wrinkle.

That wasn’t what I thought of instead I just thought about the things that I would be buying from the store had I gone there instead of stopping at the bank. In my last moments I heard another gunshot only this time it wasn’t from the robbers’ gun, but was from the gun of Esther Davenport an 86 year old card carrying member of the NRA. It would seem she took this opportunity to pull the gun out of her purse; she shot him in the head. Amazing aim for 86. So that’s my tale. I suppose it’s almost time for me to go, but before I do I want to thank you for listening to my last thoughts. I know they weren’t much but I had to tell someone and you were here. One last thing don’t apologize for anything and don’t be a hero if its just going to get you shot.

Figuratively

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